just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
only you would photoshop your dick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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