this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
