I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
