saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
