i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
