New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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