She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
