My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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