I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
