Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
