Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did i walk over a car last night?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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