when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
