Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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