I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
