mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
