Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
