Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
