Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
