Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
