sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
