And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
