i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
