i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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