Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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