It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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