her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
