my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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