my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
