I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The adults are the big ones right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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