I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
