Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
