I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
