Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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