Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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