I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
