remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
