If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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