My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
