Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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