1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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