I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
