my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
