Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
