he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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