your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
