Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
