he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
