remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
