Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
are you so shy because you have an std?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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