So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
