what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
