it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
