When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
