I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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